Hi! We're here to share with you our family's L.I.F.E. thoughts, tips, and stories about raising boys and girls (and that includes me and my husband.) May what you find here be a blessing to you today.
Love,
Carmen Gutierrez 💜
Kids copy our mistakes. What’s the reset button?
“Ang problema sayo anak, mayabang ka. Alam mo kung bakit ka ganyan? Eh kasi mayabang ako!
But the God who is changing me is the same God who will be gracious to change you.”
- Ptr Joey Bonifacio
This is one of the lines I’d never forget from one of the many parenting sessions we’ve had the privilege to be part of.
How many times have we all heard that our kids copy us? That’s the truth we need to keep acknowledging that truth when we see in them an attitude we don’t like.
But let me just emphasize that yes, they have their very own SINFUL NATURE—inherent, being a child of a sinner. Deep inside they have tendencies for both good and evil. Blame it to our Lola Eve in the Garden. They have the potential to be greedy, selfish, prideful, liars, stealers, murderers... okay the last 3 words might be hard to take in especially when thinking about your cutesie patootsie toddler, kahit totoo pa yang mga sinabi ko, so let’s just stick to greedy, selfish and prideful. If your kid has a sibling, you’d surely understand what I mean 😅
Now... How they EXPRESS those sinful tendencies HAS A LOT OF INFLUENCE FROM US PARENTS
if not entirely from ME as the mom, or you as the Dad.
Yup. My children got it all from us. (and from relatives and from TV, whoever has the strongest presence or influence around them) So in my family, my kids got it mostly from me. 😭 Because my husband is the most gracious person on Earth.
I’m the Miss Minchin one. 🙈
I see my kids shout when they don’t get what they want. I see them throw things when they’re so frustrated. I see them reason out when they’re insisting a point when the real point is that they just don’t want to share or don’t want to obey or too lazy to help.
We discipline our children. We’ll share about that some other day, not on this post. This is about our wrongdoings as parents and such expressions are being mirrored by our kids . . . and what we ought to do about it.
We can't just say to our kids not to do something that we'll label a wrong or hurtful yet they see us do it when we're the ones not in our best behavior.
This is our reset button:
I’M SORRY.
The Bible says YOU WHO ARE EVIL know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven not withhold the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?
The good man brings good out his heart and evil out of the evil in his heart. So the junk that comes out of you & me also gets passed on to them.
Rouie & I press our reset button somewhat like this way for example:
Imagine the setting that my older son is now full-blown upset with her younger sister. Totally frustrated, he shouted and hit her.
“Yuel, i understand you got upset with Olivia cos she tore down your blocks tower. So you shouted at her and hit her. 🙁” we take long here till the anger subsides... a little breathing space.
“I’m sorry that you sometimes see that from mommy too 😞 mommy is wrong. Do you still remember when mommy did that? Mommy asked for your forgiveness, right? Cos I was wrong.
“Mahal, we shouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone when we don’t get what we want or when we feel hurt. Diba God told us in (verse) do not respond in a wrong way when someone does something wrong to us? (Don’t repay evil for evil)”
After I explain this first 3 parts, I call on the offender to lead to apologizing. Then I lead the offended to also ask for forgiveness for responding hurtfully too.
We persevere until they sincerely and graciously say “okay I forgive you na” and hug. Takes about 2-4 mins
Syempre for parents of young ones alam natin na give it 10-15 mins, mag aaway ulit yan, ibang issue naman 😅
We do it all over again, lighter and shorter reinforcement version. And of course I find solutions to break it up and let them have a longer breather! (E.g. sa taas na nga muna yung isa sa inyo. 🤪)
This will be the case their whole life. Yes. Read that part again. IT WILL BE LIKE THIS OUR WHOLE LIVES.
Meaning, someone will hurt or irritate them whether intentionally or unintentionally. That’s the sad thing in living in a broken world. The sadder thing is, these kids that we’re doing our best to raise, will bring hurt/pain to others as well no matter how much good morals we engrain in them. The saddest part is they are being raised by parents who, even after receiving so much knowledge on Parenting, still make so many mistakes.
I only know of 2 things that will wipe away sadness and will help us move forward with hope:
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Model to them how to press the reset button by ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS and RELEASING FORGIVENESS. They will not know humility unless they see it in us. When they do, I know that it’ll be more powerful than striving to commit no mistake.
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Share to them about THE ONE WHO FORGIVES them. The One who gave us ultimate reset button—Jesus. The source of all power to forgive. He who forgives much loves much. He who understands he’s been forgiven forgives others much.
I can’t hurt-proof my kids no matter how Godly I wish I’d be and others to be. But I can show them the power of my God in me when I choose to step down to say I’m sorry.
How are you about doing #1?
Do you need help in knowing the One who gave the ultimate reset button for your life?
